Love Languages in Networking

Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your Mate" has sold over 20 million copies, over almost 20 years. It has shaped the relationship landscape for a generation. The average person spends such a large portion of their life at work and many people have "work husbands" or "work wives". Professional relationships are certainly different from your personal relationships, but this concept of Love Languages applies to professional networking, too. So what would those 5 Love Languages of Professional Networking be, and how would they apply to your day-to-day professional interactions? Let's explore.

Connections

Some people are just natural Connectors. They love to meet people, and they love to introduce people. As a result, they seem to know everyone. I have a friend like this, who is just a natural at meeting and connecting people. If he went to a party with 100 people, he would come away knowing 100 new people. He takes immense pleasure in talking to people, understanding what's most important to them, and then finding ways to bring other similar people together. If you are like my friend, and find that the first thing you think of when you meet someone is, "I need to introduce them to person X", you might be a Connector. Sharing your network with others is a powerful way to offer value in a relationship, and being seen as someone with a strong network is definitely an asset for your personal brand.

Constructive Feedback

Are you the person that everyone comes to as a sounding board for their ideas? Sometimes, the best way to help someone out is to give open and honest feedback.

It takes tremendous tact and care to do this effectively, because sometimes what you have to tell them isn't pleasant. Maybe they really need someone willing to tell them that their idea isn't going to work, and save them from wasting time or money. If you can do this tactfully, with empathy, and in a way that helps them to see the problems and make a clean break, this can be a huge favor. And saving someone from a mistake is definitely a way to show love.

At the same time, maybe they are really onto something and just having a moment of self-doubt. Maybe they need encouragement and a little push to convince themselves to move forward. Here too, if you can be the confidence they are lacking at the moment, or the nudge to keep going when they are feeling down, this support will be something they will always remember as the turning point when they finally succeed.

Sometimes, they might be on the right track, but just need help seeing the problem from another perspective. Being that sounding board can be incredibly helpful, but you have to love doing it, because you need to create an environment of trust and support where you can both explore the problem, and find the right answers. And these collaborations can be really powerful and rewarding for both of you.

If you enjoy being there for someone in these situations, then Constructive Feedback might be your professional Love Language.

Assets and Effort

Do you just like to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty? When someone shares an idea with you, do you immediately respond with, "Let's do it, what can I do to help?". Are you naturally a builder at heart, and you love to share that with others? Is your toolbox at home empty because you've lent everything out to friends in need?

Providing "sweat equity" or other tangible assets can be your way of showing someone that you care, and helping them along to reach their goals. What you provide could be money, material, time, energy, or expertise, and every person has a unique set of assets to offer. This falls somewhere between Chapman's ideas of Gifts or Acts of Service, and if these are the ways in which you show up to help the people in your network, then Assets and Effort are your professional Love Language.

Emotional Support

Sometimes, the people in your network don't need you to fix things. They don't need you to help out or encourage. They need to commiserate and they need someone to vent to. Being able to talk to someone can be a magical thing when you really need it. Regular checkins, offers to go grab a coffee, or go for a walk, and just listen are all powerful gestures. This is similar to Chapman's idea of Quality Time, and sometimes that is all it takes to show someone that you care. Your willingness to just show up, emotionally even more than physically, could be the thing that offers that little bit of stress relief someone needs to get unstuck, and changes their whole trajectory. And those people who love to play that role are showing their professional Love Language through acts of listening and understanding.

Subconscious Help

When you meet up with someone, they might tell you about what they are working on, and they might share some problem or challenge they are facing. Sometimes you have an answer right away, or you work it through with them on the spot, through conversation. But many people need time to think and mull over a difficult problem, and they just don't see the solution in the moment. Maybe you go home and an idea hits you when you lay down in bed, or when you are standing in the shower. I do my best thinking in the shower, and some of that thinking is about other people's problems, not just my own.

If you often find yourself starting off a note to someone with "I've been thinking about what you said, and I think...", then your subconscious has been working for them. You weren't even trying to help them, but your mind just couldn't let that problem go. That effort, and the note you send, are your way of showing that at the deepest levels of your psyche, you cared enough to keep working through their problem. Lending them your subconscious was your Love Language.

Conclusion

So which of these 5 is your professional Love Language? How do you use this to show those in your close professional network that you care about them? Is your Love Language the same with each person in your network, or does it differ person to person?

Chapman showed us these patterns for our personal lives, and recognizing them in our professional lives can be a powerful way to deepen the relationship with each person in your network. Learning to understand and appreciate their professional Love Languages and your own will help you meet them where they are, and communicate and act in ways that are rewarding and fulfilling to both of you.

Start to watch how you interact with those closest in your professional network, and see if you can identify their Love Languages as well. And maybe add them to your Prohana network and use what you've learned here to deepen that relationship even further.